You’ve bought the blackout curtains. You have the sound machine, the sleep sack, the bedtime routine and the perfect little crib setup. You’ve probably read approximately 47 opinions about wake windows, sleepy cues and the exact temperature your baby’s room should be. You’re watching the clock, keeping the room dark and trying to put your baby down at what should be the “right” time.

And still your baby isn’t sleeping well.

In my personal opinion, this is one of the most frustrating things about being a parent. You can follow the advice. You can create a beautiful bedtime routine. You can do everything the books, apps and well-meaning strangers tell you to do, and sometimes your baby still wakes constantly, fights naps or refuses to sleep unless you are holding them.

I’m here to tell you, this doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing something wrong.