You’re Doing Everything Right… So Why Isn’t Your Baby Sleeping?

You’ve bought the blackout curtains. You have the sound machine, the sleep sack, the bedtime routine and the perfect little crib setup. You’ve probably read approximately 47 opinions about wake windows, sleepy cues and the exact temperature your baby’s room should be. You’re watching the clock, keeping the room dark and trying to put your baby down at what should be the “right” time.

And still your baby isn’t sleeping well.

In my personal opinion, this is one of the most frustrating things about being a parent. You can follow the advice. You can create a beautiful bedtime routine. You can do everything the books, apps and well-meaning strangers tell you to do, and sometimes your baby still wakes constantly, fights naps or refuses to sleep unless you are holding them.

I’m here to tell you, this doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing something wrong.

“So what is in then,” you ask?

As a Metro Detroit Sleep Consultant, I’m here to break it down for you and hopefully give you a little peace of mind when it comes to baby sleep.

Sometimes The Problem Isn’t Your Routine

Baby sleep is influenced by so much more than what time you start the bedtime routine or what that actual routine looks like. Your baby’s age, development, temperament (and yours too!), feeding, sleep environment and current sleep habits all play a role. Even two babies the same age with the same bedtime routine and same parents can have completely different sleep needs and patterns.

One baby might happily go into the crib, roll over and fall asleep. Another might cry the second their back touches the mattress. One may take long, predictable naps while another treats every solo nap like they’re being tortured.

That’s why simply adding another sleep tip to your routine doesn’t always solve the problem. If you’re already doing the basics well, the next step is figuring out what is actually happening with your individual baby.

Take A Look At HOW Your Baby Falls Asleep

One of the first things I look at when helping a family with sleep is what happens at the beginning of sleep.

If your baby falls asleep while being rocked, fed, bounced, held or with a parent lying beside them, they may look for those same conditions when they naturally wake between sleep cycles. That doesn’t mean those things are bad. Feeding your baby to sleep or rocking your baby to sleep is not something you need to feel guilty about.

But if you’re exhausted because your baby needs the exact same thing every time they wake, it is worth looking at the pattern and seeing if you can make some tweaks.

Sometimes a baby who appears to have a “night waking problem” is actually waking normally between sleep cycles and simply doesn’t know how to get back to sleep without the help they needed to fall asleep in the first place. That is something you can work on.

Yes, Sometimes Your Baby Really Does Need You

Gasp! I know it may be controversial for a sleep consultant to say this, but not every sleep problem needs to be fixed.

A young baby may wake frequently because they are hungry. They may need a diaper change, comfort, help regulating or simply the reassurance that someone is close. Babies go through developmental changes that can temporarily disrupt sleep, and there are seasons when more support is completely normal and expected.

If your baby is too young for consolidating sleep, or doesn’t have the temperament for independent sleep, or you aren’t ready to work on independent sleep yet, then nothing needs to change. Support options are still available like hiring a postpartum doula or working with a sleep educator on reinforcing positive sleep habits in a gentle way.

Sometimes the best sleep plan for a newborn is making sure Mom gets a few uninterrupted hours while someone trustworthy cares for the baby.

That is where overnight postpartum doula support can be especially helpful. You can sleep while your baby is cared for, fed according to your plan, changed, soothed and settled. During the day, a postpartum doula can also help you understand newborn sleep, feeding patterns and routines while giving you a chance to recover and actually breathe for a minute.

Maybe Your Baby Isn’t Ready Yet

There is a tremendous amount of pressure on parents to get babies sleeping through the night as quickly as possible. The internet has somehow convinced us that co-sleeping is unnatural or that babies over 6 months shouldn’t be waking to feed at night. With all due respect to the internet, these things are false.

Every baby is unique. Every family has different needs and goals. Every person has different sleep needs and a different temperament. All of these factors (and many more) will influence how your baby sleeps.

Sleep expectations need to be appropriate for your baby’s age and development. A newborn is going to have very different sleep needs than a six-month-old, and a six-month-old may have very different needs than a toddler.

Sometimes the answer is to make a few small changes and give your baby time. Other times, there are habits or patterns that are keeping everyone stuck in a cycle of poor sleep. The challenge is figuring out which one you’re dealing with.

When You’re Ready For Sleep Consulting, We Look At The Whole Picture

Sleep consulting should never take a cookie cutter approach. There should never be a generic plan that somehow fits every baby and every family.

When I work with families, we look at what is happening throughout the entire day. We talk about naps, bedtime, nighttime waking, feeding, sleep associations, your baby’s temperament and what you are actually comfortable changing. We look at what you’ve already tried and where things are breaking down.

From there, we can create a realistic plan that fits your family instead of giving you another list of things to try at 2 a.m. when everyone is crying, including you!

The goal is to give you a better understanding of your baby’s sleep and a clear path forward, while still respecting your parenting choices and your baby’s needs.

You Don’t Have To Keep Guessing

If you’ve been wondering why your baby isn’t sleeping despite doing everything you’ve been told to do, it may be time to stop looking for another quick fix and start looking at the bigger picture.

You may need a few adjustments. You may need more support. You may need to wait a little longer. Or you may be ready for a personalized sleep plan and virtual or in-home support that helps your baby learn new sleep skills.

There is a difference between needing more information and needing someone who can look at your specific situation and help you figure out what to do next. That’s what we do.

If you’re exhausted and wondering why none of the things you’ve tried seem to be working, you don’t necessarily need another sleep hack. You may simply need someone to help you figure out what your baby is actually telling you and guide you in the right direction towards more peaceful sleep.

Detroit Dreams Tonight provides personalized sleep coaching, postpartum doula support and overnight newborn care for families throughout Detroit and Metro Detroit, including Troy, Waterford, Clarkston, Rochester, Novi, Ann Arbor, Lansing, Goodrich, Flint and surrounding communities.