Why Postpartum Moms Struggle to Ask for Help

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You’ve just had a baby and everyone keeps asking, “Do you need anything?” But when it comes to actually saying, “Yes, I need help,” something inside holds you back.

You are exhausted. You are overwhelmed. You may feel like asking for help is admitting failure. I want you to know this is completely normal, and it is not a reflection of your strength or your love for your baby. Many postpartum moms struggle to ask for help, and it is not because they do not want support. It’s because society, culture, and even your own expectations create invisible barriers that make it feel impossible.

I see this all the time. In fact, I was this mom. You feel isolated and drained. You tell yourself you should be able to do it all. I want to share why this happens and how you can start giving yourself permission to receive support.

The Pressure to “Do It All” Postpartum

From the moment you find out you’re pregnant, the messages start. Breastfeed, sleep train, bounce back, stay organized. You are often expected to be a perfect picture of motherhood.

After birth, that pressure does not go away. Society tells moms: you should be able to handle this. When you can’t, it feels like failure.

Here’s the truth I learned for myself: You are not failing. Your body just went through an enormous change, and your life has shifted completely. Asking for help is not weakness, it is survival.

Feeling Guilty About Burdening Others Postpartum

When I was in those first weeks and months, I felt guilty asking anyone for help. Friends were busy. Family had their own lives. My husband was exhausted. And truthfully, I didn’t want to bother anyone. No one made me feel like I couldn’t ask for help, but it was my own perception and guilt that kept me from asking.

The truth is people usually want to help, they just don’t always know exactly what you need. And you may not either, but if you can pinpoint some areas of assistance and be specific about them, it will often invite more help.

Instead of saying, “I need help,” try:

  • “Could you do the dishes before you leave?”

  • “Would you mind taking the baby for an hour so I can nap?”

  • “Can you bring dinner on Wednesday?”

Clear requests make it so much easier for others to show up and in ways that actually makes a difference in your day-to-day life.

The Myth of the Supermom

Social media makes it look effortless. Baby sleeps through the night at 8 weeks. Meals are well-balanced and beautiful. The house is spotless. The mom looks radiant.

Comparing yourself to those images can make you feel like you should be able to do it all alone. But here’s your reality check: they’re probably struggling too, they just make more money or get more engagement if they don’t tell you that. The majority of new moms survive on naps, takeout, and help from anyone willing to give it. And if they don’t they probably have an army of staff to assist them.

Postpartum Mental and Physical Exhaustion

Sleep deprivation, hormonal shifts, and physical recovery can make it hard to pinpoint what you need and ask for help. Your brain convinces you it is too much work or not worth it.

What helped me:

  • I made a short list of tasks I could not manage and shared it with my friend. She helped delegate to others in my life.

  • I remembered that asking for help was part of caring for my mental health and my baby

  • I hired a postpartum doula to help cook, tidy, do baby laundry, bring me snacks, and give me space to rest.

  • I ordered postpartum meal delivery so I didn’t have to think or worry about cooking

Not Knowing Who to Ask

Sometimes it isn’t guilt or pressure that holds us back. It’s simply not knowing who can help.

This is where professional support can make all the difference. At Detroit Dreams we offer day and night doula care, holistic postpartum recovery guidance, can help coordinate a meal train with your friends and family and can provide practical support to ensure you have space and time to recover and get your bearings. We step in so you do not have to wait until you hit your breaking point to get help.

Asking for Help Postpartum is a Sign of Strength

Asking for help is one of the most courageous things you can do as a parent. It shows that you recognize your limits, value your health, and are committed to giving your baby the best care possible.

You do not have to do it all alone. Whether it is leaning on family, friends, or hiring a doula, receiving support is a gift, to both yourself and your baby.

Postpartum is hard. Sleep can be scarce. Hormones are wild. That is exactly why asking for help matters!